I am gonna start titling these with just the date

I started my new job today. Its not that exciting. Its just tops and I am just a cashier. But its going to be nice to make money again. I was between jobs for a month. So getting a paycheck again is going to be great.

So my friend Tiffany and her steady boy friend Cory want to get an apartment with me and Doug. Maybe thats a good idea, maybe not. Its hard to say. I dont think I would get sick of them because we will all be so busy, but I think the money might still be tight. I just dont understand how Doug expects to pay for a wedding and a house in two years if we cant pay for anything now. What is going to change that much in two years? Nothing I can think of.... oh well.

It was still a good day today. It went by very quickly. Orientation ran late. I went to get a prescription. Then I visited Will at work and met Tiffany at work. We went to UB to find our classes then we looked at apartments. Then I went to dinner with Doug. Then I came home. It was a good day.

I hate writing titles... what is the point?

Doug is so cute. He bought a trumpet and wants to start a ska band. So i bought a bass and now we really wanna try to do it. It probably wont last but its fun for now.

Sometimes things can be really good but then other times they suck. I guess its just how life is.

I went to the off-campus college book store today but the books were even more expensive than on-campus. That really kinda pisses me off. I dont want to spend $100 a book each semester. Its not like tuition is cheap, so why are the books so expensive on top of it. College rapes you!

Happiness

Another good day. Two in a row!

Today I felt really alive. Like the breeze was so beautiful and the sunshine. The flowers were gorgeous and the feeling of being held in Doug's arms. Everthing was just in place and at peace for once. It truely was a good day. Scratch that... a great day.

Then I went out with Tiffany. Its good to just be out with the girls sometimes... well girl. We went and tried on dresses. I tried on bridal gowns and she tried on a brides maid dress. I am really excited about the wedding. Things are beginning to look brighter with Doug. I wanna move up the wedding date.

Now tommorow I am going out with Tiffany and Emily and Kristen to eat and chill. Kristen is leaving for college very soon and it is kind of a good bye. I am going to miss her! We used to be really great friends in middle school and this year we got close again. Its awesome. I just hope we keep in touch.

Well I am going to watch tv now. I hope you are having a great day too!

Change is awesome

I am gonna do this one in purple because i am in a good mood!

Today was good. Doug was in a better mood and we went out to dinner with a couple of our friends. I love to see them because they make me laugh.

I got a new job at tops and they are paying me more than i have ever made at any of my three previous jobs so thats pretty good.

College is starting in about two weeks. Its scary but neat. A lot of my friends are getting ready to leave this week which is sad, but its part of life. If we were meant to be life long friends we will keep in touch. If not than I dont think I will miss them that much. Brutal, but honest. Still they shared a part of my life with me and that is awesome but all things come to an end. High school is over and I am ready to begin a new chapter of existence. Bring on the change!

You know who you are

I really hate you. I hate you and everything about you. You are the most miserable and rude asshole ever. You do nothing but put people down, even people you are supposed to "love". But you do not know what love is. You don't even love me. Your fucking fiance. Why would you propose to me when you do not even love me? Why would you screw with my emotions like that? Do you get some sick pleasure out of it? Because you remind me of your sister and my father and grandfather all of whom you hate. So you are a hypocrit on top of it! You make me miserable, you make your family miserable, you make your friends miserable and you even make yourself miserable. You need to work some things out in your life and in your head. Because I am sick of being harrassed and brought down and made fun of and yelled at. You drive me crazy in the worst of ways and I hate you. Just leave me alone please.

Again?

Why does it have to happen again? We are suppose to get along, right? I mean he proposed, doesnt that mean he loves me? And I know I love him, so why dont we get along? Why are we still together if we always fight?

I hate seeming like a bad couple especially in public. Its embarrassing. We went out today with my one friend and her boyfriend and they are ridiculously cute together and we just arent. All we do is argue and if we arent arguing I am walking on egg shells waiting for him to flip out about something. I know I am not innocent but atleast I try.

Is that too much to ask? Cant you put a little effort into me? Dont you love me? Do you even know what love is?

Betrayed

Even people who are over weight need to be loved and accepted... we can not all be perfect and thin. It should be about what is on the inside, especially after dating some one for four years and recently getting engaged. Sure I may have gained a little weight but for god sakes I am not a bohemith (cant spell). You said you loved me and I am on the inside. My body is what I am forced to live in. I choose to be who I am on the inside and that is what you should love. Your too shallow and I can not love some one who is only interested in the flesh. I thought you were something you are not... kind and accepting. I was wrong. I may have gained some weight but you have lost your morals. And I believe that is the bigger crime.