Again?

Why does it have to happen again? We are suppose to get along, right? I mean he proposed, doesnt that mean he loves me? And I know I love him, so why dont we get along? Why are we still together if we always fight?

I hate seeming like a bad couple especially in public. Its embarrassing. We went out today with my one friend and her boyfriend and they are ridiculously cute together and we just arent. All we do is argue and if we arent arguing I am walking on egg shells waiting for him to flip out about something. I know I am not innocent but atleast I try.

Is that too much to ask? Cant you put a little effort into me? Dont you love me? Do you even know what love is?

Betrayed

Even people who are over weight need to be loved and accepted... we can not all be perfect and thin. It should be about what is on the inside, especially after dating some one for four years and recently getting engaged. Sure I may have gained a little weight but for god sakes I am not a bohemith (cant spell). You said you loved me and I am on the inside. My body is what I am forced to live in. I choose to be who I am on the inside and that is what you should love. Your too shallow and I can not love some one who is only interested in the flesh. I thought you were something you are not... kind and accepting. I was wrong. I may have gained some weight but you have lost your morals. And I believe that is the bigger crime.

Growing Older

Today was warped tour. My fifth one. Each year it gets less and less exciting until this year I actually hated it.

Am I growing up? If this is how growing up feels, boring and lonley, I dont want to grow up. I want to stay a teenager.

At the beggining of the month my boyfriend of four years proposed to me. I said yes. But I am too young. I want to be a teenager still. I am affraid of marriage and college. I am affraid I wont be able to enjoy concerts and movies any more like I used to. I am overwhelmed.... ugh